One of the recognised joys of the GCCG is the signature eclectic mix of cars cared for by members. When I see them with their owners, I often wonder if there are similarities between the two. Rather like what we see with dogs and their owners. This got me thinking! The GCCG welcomes all classic cars, regardless of make, model, colour or orientation and while further research is required, my preliminary observations suggest a significant proportion of our classic cars exhibit gay tendencies. Bear with me on this as I think you will find I have a convincing case.
For instance, many classics are high maintenance, having fortunes spent on lookingafter their appearance, with clays, polishes, waxes, concealers and lubricants. Like their owners, that expense often increases with age too. Garage shelves nationwide groan under the weight of tins, bottles and sprays like many a gay man’s bathroom. Get where I am going?
Old cars are temperamental, refusing to start, and having a habit of overheating or exploding into random hissy fits out of the blue. And who hasn’t had to mop up puddles of mysterious fluids voided unexpectedly on drives over the years. Sound familiar?
Additionally, very many of these cars are heavy drinkers, and requiring E5 champagne petrol rather than prosecco E10. Some even need two fuel tanks! The image of an 80s Jaguar XJ6 being carefully positioned on the station forecourt, in order to enable double tank penetration by two nozzles simultaneously, comes to mind!
Then there are the facelifts! Some of our cars underwent several nips and tucks, the addition of go faster stripes, new lights, and updated trim and colours over production runs. Usually they also became more muscular, and new grilles (read teeth) were mandatory. You might, of course, say that is simply good product planning. Others might observe that maintaining one’s appearance as the years pass is a tradition well established in our community!
Habits and pastimes? A lot of our classics are heavily into leather, and into cruising, often topless. They often travel in packs, meeting at concours (read Pride) events and mostly only “out” on sunny days. The larger ones are remarkably versatile, and capable of swallowing huge loads. The Austin Princess even transitioned into the Ambassador!
Convinced yet?
If not, I have one trump card remaining. The model names!
I give you the Sunbeam Stiletto, the Singer Gazelle and Chamois, and the AM Contessa Bella Mia. The Bentley Blower, the Docker Daimler, the Volkswagen Variant, Swallow cars, and the Humber Pullman! Aren’t those names wonderful?
The Hillman Imps, Huskies and Minxes further bolster the evidence. Even the usually serious Germans brought us the Karmann Ghia and Borgward Isabella. And anything with Vanden Plas in the name is suspect in my view. There are countless others too, as you’ll all no doubt know. (Suggestionsbon a postcard please)
To cap it all…those “barn finds” that you’ve been dreaming of….well, they have been stuck in the closet!
Je reste ma valise! [Editor – I rest my case]
So the next time your classic leaves an unsightly slick on the tarmac, it might be time to ask it a few questions…..
